“My lucky money is less than my sister, can I change my parents?”Partiality is the stupidest form of education

2022-07-15 0 By

Original article | gentle mothering diary, welcome personal forward and share before and after the Spring Festival each year, about the topic of money is the most discussed.This year, a little girl in Luoyang brought to our attention another problem related to lucky money. Although most parents would not make such a mistake, they also pointed out a problem that needs special attention in life.When the whole country is celebrating, a girl goes to the police station and asks the police to “change her parents”. What happened?The girl who called the police is 12 and has a 4-year-old sister at home.It turned out that after the girl had worshipped her parents, she found that her parents had given her sister more red envelopes than she did. She felt that her parents were too eccentric and chose to call the police.”My lucky money is less than my sister, can I change my parents?”The police heard this sentence both funny and distressed, immediately contacted the parents.The girl’s parents who received the call rushed to the police station. Finally, with the persuasion and education of the police, the family went home happily for the Spring Festival.It is widely said that families with many children should not ignore the eldest child because they have two or three children, and create estrangement with their children. It has become the consensus of most parents to pay attention to the children’s heart and give correct guidance and education, but whether it can be done is still another matter.Children focus on not money, but love behind believe that there should be a lot of parents “trick” here, in real life, the two children New Year’s money is not the same case does exist.For example, many parents think that the eldest child should be sensible, the second child is still small, naturally should hurt some, this situation is especially common in the elderly.In fact, the key problem is not the amount of money, children just want equal treatment, even if the New Year’s money is as much, which represents that we get the same love.New Year’s money is a manifestation of parents’ daily partiality, we should see the fundamental problem.Eccentric harm is all the children “heavy small light big” “heavy boys over girls” “heavy intelligent, light mediocre”……These three patterns of favoritism are almost passed down from generation to generation, and when parents are influenced to have favoritism toward their children, negative effects are inevitable.Why is favoritism the stupidest form of education?Because children who are neglected or favored end up being victims.The attention of the children is inevitable “rely on the pet and arrogant”, everything like to be self-centered, no sense of responsibility and no independent opinion, everyone shout dozen “mother treasure male” “Neet family” is the result of parental eccentric treatment.Neglected children understand better, and it’s hard for them to grow up in the right direction.As a result of being treated unfairly for a long time, the feelings of dissatisfaction and resistance are higher, and the children will be more rebellious than other children. Although they are forced to be more sensible than their peers, they are not taken seriously in the family atmosphere, which will easily lead to children’s dissonance and inferiority complex.Psychology believes that children who are harmed by eccentricity in the family of origin are easy to form two extremes of violent bullying and cowardice.Parental favoritism is hard to avoid. There’s no such thing as absolute fairness and of course, we have to admit that no parent, no matter how sensible, can avoid favoritism.For example, it is natural to care more about younger children, can not help but like children with better grades, or a child is sick for a short time of favoritism can not be controlled and avoided, many times parents do not feel their own favoritism, but the child’s experience is very real.So, rather than deny that they hurt their children’s hearts, parents should admit it when their children point out their eccentricity and discuss solutions with their children.If parents can realize their own partiality, then we should consciously find the advantages of the neglected child, improve their partiality, at least the partial experience is not obvious, let the child feel good.For the child, the imperceptible bias is negligible.Absolute fairness is impossible to exist, but will make children deliberately compare, parents can only constantly improve the balance, it is difficult to make every child satisfied.Attention and love should be full, and material should be consistent as far as possible. It is mentioned in The play Power that parents’ love for their children is just like water in a cup. When the water is full, children will feel full love; when the water in the cup is less or empty, children will feel uneasy.Families with two or more children are more concerned about the water in their own glass, fearing that siblings will share their share at any time.Therefore, in families with many children, parents do not need to make themselves stressed and exhausted in order to obtain better materials. It is important to pay attention to the emotions of each child and give positive responses in time, so that they can feel their cup is full of water all the time.There may be a son and a daughter in the home, because of the material needs are not consistent, the basic can not do justice;There may also be limited family conditions, the younger child can only wear the older child’s old clothes, but at least in the Spring Festival red envelopes, New Year’s money and new clothes, such as a sense of ceremony, give them the same treatment.What kind of cause will bear what fruit, parental eccentricity is like an unhealthy seed, abnormal growth in the heart of every child, the fruit may be no one to support, lonely.Because favored children are irresponsible, neglected children are unloved and unloved.Favoritism is the stupidest way of education, but also a time bomb for a harmonious family. Parents who really understand that respect for equality is the best medicine for filial piety and harmony among brothers.